🖼️
The project:
Kitchen upgrade.
Replace tiled floor with vinyl planks.
Remove wall oven and cabinetry.
Remove bench-top hot plates and replace with freestanding oven.
Replace splash backs.
Modify existing overhead cupboards.
Install new range-hood.
Replace sink and tap ware.
Replace bench tops.
- Materials:
Orbital sander
https://www.bunnings.com.au/ozito-pxc-18v-cordless-125mm-random-orbital-sander-pxros-125-skin-only_p6290614#:~:text=Ozito%20PXC%2018V%20Cordless%20125mm%20Random%20Orbital%20Sander%20PXROS%2D125%20%2D%20Skin%20Only
Tile Cutter
https://www.bunnings.com.au/dta-300mm-handyman-tile-cutter_p6651774#:~:text=DTA%20300mm%20Handyman%20Tile%20Cutter
Reciprocating Saw
https://www.bunnings.com.au/ozito-18v-cordless-compact-reciprocating-saw-pcrss-018-skin-only_p0800105#:~:text=Ozito%2018V%20Cordless%20Compact%20Reciprocating%20Saw%20PCRSS%2D018%20%2D%20Skin%20Only
Multi Function Tool
https://www.bunnings.com.au/ozito-pxc-18v-compact-multi-function-tool-kit-pcmfk-200_p0800108#:~:text=Ozito%20PXC%2018V%20Compact%20Multi%20Function%20Tool%20Kit%20PCMFK%2D200
Pipes
Holman PlumbingHolman 50mm S&P Trap Combo Set
Cement sheeting
James HardieJames Hardie 3000 x 1200 x 6mm 3.6m² Flex Cladding Sheet
Bench
https://www.bunnings.com.au/kaboodle-38-x-901-1200mm-coconutty-double-edged-customisable-benchtop_p0193830#:~:text=Kaboodle%2038%20x%20901%2D1200mm%20Coconutty%20Double%20Edged%20Customisable%20Benchtop
Bits
https://www.bunnings.com.au/selleys-300g-white-wet-area-waterproof-silicone-sealant_p1230981#:~:text=S-,elleys,Area%20Waterproof%20Silicone%20Sealant
https://www.bunnings.com.au/builders-edge-100-x-100mm-plasterboard-wall-patch_p0730622
CSR GyprockGyprock CSR 1.5kg DIY Rapid Plaster Repair Kit
https://www.bunnings.com.au/dulux-15l-vivid-white-low-sheen-wash-wear-interior-paint_p0638909#:~:text=Dulux,Wear%20Interior%20Paint
Bunnings sausage
https://www.bunnings.com.au/about-us/in-our-community#:~:text=In%20our%20community
Plants
https://www.bunnings.com.au/search/products?page=1&q=indoor+plants&sort=BoostOrder#:~:text=Results%20for%C2%A0indoor%20plants
And soooo much more!
- Tools:
Drill
Saw(s)
Sander
Grinder
Tile Cutter
Hammer
Nail Gun
Screw drivers
Spirit level (apparently optional)
Silicone gun thingy
So many others
- Step 1:
My husband declared with a confident grin,
“Don’t pay a tradie... I’ll get stuck right in!”
I laughed and replied with a roll of my eyes,
“Those famous last words deserve a prize.”
Off to Bunnings we go expectations were high,
With far too much confidence money could buy.
Bench tops, some tiles, a shiny new drill...
And a husband convinced he’d mastered the skill.
“I’ve watched a few videos... how hard can it be?”
“Hard enough to scare the life out of me.”
The old kitchen vanished without much fuss...
The marriage, however, looked terribly suss.
The cement sheet slid with a awful roar...
SSSSCRAAAATCH!
across our brand-new floor.
He froze.
I glared.
The dog ran outside.
Even the neighbours chose to hide.
“It’s only a scratch,” he nervously said.
“Keep talking, sunshine...” I thought in my head.
Under the sink he made way for the pipes—
frustration and fury, my blood pressure spikes
“Measure twice, cut once” didn’t quite hold true,
five little slips turned the shelf askew.
Then tiling began with a confident run,
but by tile five, the lines came undone.
Some leaned to the left.
Some leaned to the right.
An offset subway fiasco in sight.
“The spirit level?”
“Don’t need one, love.”
The wall disagreed from somewhere above.
Two tiles cracked.
Another one chipped.
Many colourful adjectives accidentally slipped.
Then came the benchtop... polished, brand new,
along came his fancy new power tool too.
He smiled.
It slipped.
SCUFFFFFFF!
I near wet my pants,
He said, “It’s character—give it a chance!”
I said, “One more ‘upgrade’ that goes wrong from you,
And you’ll be the next thing I renovate too.”
We walked Bunnings aisles, bought things we didn’t need,
“Just one quick look” became DIY greed.
I cried and I argued, his ego took a knock,
while the dog scored Bunnings sausages—every single shop….
Each small fix meant another new run,
“just one quick trip” turned into twenty-one.
I made a rule that seemed fun at the start—
“Buy a plant each visit,” it warmed up the heart.
But now the lounge is a rainforest scene,
you can’t find the couch through the indoor green.
Bunnings staff were so helpful, with advice on the go,
but they needed to stop—they just didn’t know.
They didn’t know who they were dealing with that day,
so I nodded politely and dragged him away.
We set out to fix it, the vision was clear,
but the shopping list grew with each passing beer.
Bench tops and tiles stacked up in a pile,
plasterboard sheets stretching on for a mile.
Screws by the handful, glue by the drum,
wooden dowels, cleaning products, the budget overrun.
Drop sheets were flying, paintbrushes too,
and grout and silicone stuck to my shoe.
The jig saw was humming, reciprocating in tune,
multifunction tool singing all afternoon.
Orbital sander made dust clouds appear,
tile cutter snapping with mechanical cheer.
We bought it all there at Bunnings, of course,
plus “incidentals” that grew in force—
An eager husband, chaos in tow,
A controlling wife says, “No, no, no.”
Now the kitchen is brighter, cleaner than before,
with countless mistakes we don’t mention anymore.
He thought he could tile, he thought he could plaster,
instead what he achieved was a DIY disaster.
Still somehow it’s finished, we’re calling it done,
with a silent agreement of “never again, hun.”
We bought plaster and paint and said, “Yes, yes we can”
next time we just pay… a properly trained man.
Now the kitchen looks “renovated”—or so I can say,
but I’m still finding screws from that very bad day.
He stands there so proud like he conquered the fight—
I stay quietly impressed whilst denying he’s right.
step 1. Visit to Bunnings
- Step 2:
Pull out oven and surrounding cabinet, remove range hood and remove stove top
Another 3 trips to Bunnings
- Step 3:
Remove splash back, Bunnings, Bunnings, Bunnings.
- Step 4:
install new flooring
- Step 5:
remove old bench tops. Cry in Bunnings!
- Step 6:
Reconfigure over head cabinets.
Argue and cry in Bunnings!
- Step 7:
Install new oven.
- Step 8:
Install new bench tops and sink.
Explore divorce process.
Move into Bunnings!
- Step 9:
Tile.
More crying at Bunnings.
- Step 10:
Arrange the jungle 🌱🪴🌱
Enjoy the kitchen 🤦🏻♀️
Visit Bunnings for more inspiration planning 😭👏